Day 7

I believe this is a week for self-reflection. As I work, I’ll observe my train of thought. I think it’s important to understand what beliefs I hold about money and work, as well as the ideas I hold about myself in relation to money.

How does being a woman affect my beliefs around money? Surely I also hold some limiting beliefs around making money as a disabled person. And what about negative beliefs passed down through generations? What do my parents unconsciously believe? What did my grandparents, and their parents believe?

I find running a business to be foreign. All I’ve ever seen modeled for me are paychecks: consistent, monthly, reliable, capped. Now here I am, spending money to make money. Tracking numbers with a spreadsheet. Tracking inventory, what sells, what doesn’t, how quickly a category sells, which brands do best, etc. Saving money for reinvestment.

It’s all strange. I have no money or business literacy whatsoever. But I’m in the midst of cultivating it.

Is it like a muscle? Does it grow as I use it? Am I brave enough to spend the money, while responsible enough to abstain from recklessness?

How quickly does pattern recognition kick in with brands and products?

When do I stop feeling weird?

Never. I’ll feel weird my whole life. Weird is what prevents boredom, though. I’m a lot of things, half of them nothing to brag about. But boring I would think isn’t one of them. I have a rich inner world. Of course, I’d never share that with anyone. But it’s pretty lively up in here. Vibrant.

Maybe one day I’ll be able to say I’m weird AND financially free.

Until then, weird and trying is enough. Strange and curious will take me places, I’m sure.

Court