Day 12

In trusting myself to take the path less followed, I’m beginning to understand why I wasn’t fitting into traditional roles. I didn’t ask to be unconventional, I just am. Conformity was never going to work for me.

Years ago, I had a therapist tell me I’m a perfectionist. I laughed at that. I couldn’t see it at the time. But as I continue on me self-employment journey, I’m beginning to understand her perspective.

A huge part of being self-employed is self-management. I always had it explained to me as motivation rather than management. That’s what was tripping me up.

Motivation isn’t reliable. There are things we have to do. We aren’t always motivated. We can’t just pull it out of no where. But managing yourself is different.

When I started this blog, I told myself I’d write every day, no matter what. There have been several nights where I did not want to do it.

“What if I can’t find anything of value to write?”

“What if I have no progress to show in my business?”

I made myself write anyways. Then one night, the first Friday, I just couldn’t do it. Instead of giving up entirely, I told myself I just won’t write on Fridays. And I’ve stuck with it.

I sat down to write last night, and then remembered I don’t have to write on Fridays. I felt something. At first I thought it was relief, and then I realized it was a sense of security I’d created for myself.

I didn’t force myself to be perfect. I was reasonable with what I needed to be doing. I gave myself a break day, and I showed up on all other days regardless of how I felt. Even if I felt I didn’t have anything good to say.

I was reasonable. Reasonable about what I needed, and about my expectations of this blog.

Most of my life I’ve been unreasonable about what I can do. It needs to be perfect and I need to do it all and it needs to have results immediately, otherwise I shouldn’t bother. This has resulted in me being all on or all off. I’ve given up on a lot because I wouldn’t be realistic with what I’m capable of and how life actually unfolds. I burn out. And then I give up.

In taking self-employment seriously, and just getting older, I’ve realized self-management isn’t motivation. And it isn’t about forcing yourself to push past your limits. It isn’t about doing all of it, all of the time. It isn’t about pressuring yourself to see results. It’s just about structure and consistency. Building trust within yourself.

This is a big factor in me rejecting the 9-to-5: not because I don’t want to work, but I want to self-manage. I want flexibility for my differences. I’ve retired listening to other people and what they think my life should be.

Blogging: Saturday through Thursday

Outside sourcing: Mon, Thurs, Saturday

Online sourcing: Tues, Wed

Storytelling Reels: Every 3 days

Systems are what work long-term. So systems are what I’m building.

Until tomorrow,

Courtney